Growing up is painful

2012-02-04T15:57:00.001+08:00

happy sad happy sad happy sad, super emotional rollercoaster. but now its clear, everything has been foretold in this song.

Kotaenakutemo ii sa sagashi tsudzukerun dayo
Sou otona ni naru jikan da ne
Ima sugu tsugetai kedo
Furue ga tomaranai
Kokoro wa ima sara nigete to sakebu no sa

BY MY SIDE BY MY SIDE

Tatoeba anata no me no oku ni
Motomeru keshiki ga aru no nara
Sore wo tsukande tashikametainda

Moshi tatoeba boku ga kono tabiji de
Tachisukumu koto ga aru no nara
Hitsuyou na no wa tashika ni kanjiru
Sono te dakara

I need you here right by my side
BY MY SIDE

Kotae arigatou ne
Kimi ga keshiki mo kaetanda
Kono hoshi ni umareta imi
Toketeiku ki ga shita yo

BY MY SIDE BY MY SIDE

Boku no kokoro no fukai basho ni
Itsumo kimi no basho ga aru kara
Kitto ima mo wakaru hazu nanda

Moshi kimi no namida ga kono sekai wo
Kimi kara toozaketa toshitemo
Boku wa sono te hanasanainda
Dakara sou ima

I need you here right by my side
BY MY SIDE

Boku no soba ni ite kure
Towa ni te wo nigitte
BY MY SIDE

Meaning:
It's okay if you don't have an answer; just keep searching for it.
That's right, it is time for us to act like adults.
I wish to tell you this right away,
but my trembling wouldn't stop,
and my heart, with the worst timing, is now screaming at me to run away.

By my side. By my side.

If the scenery I'm looking for is in the depths of your eyes,
I wish to seize it and check it out myself.
If on my journey I would stand still stupefied from time to time,
all I will need is the unmistakable feeling of your hand.
I need you here right by my side. By my side.

Thank you, for your answer.
You have changed the scenery.
I felt that I would finally be able to understand
the meaning of my being born onto this planet.

By my side. By my side.

Deep inside my heart, there will always be a place for you.
I'm sure we both know this even now.
Even if your tears were to take you farther away from this world,
I would never let go of your hand.
So yes, right now,
I need you here right by my side. By my side.

Please stay by my side.
Always keep my hand gripped in yours,
by my side.

hopefully the ending will be true, but the rest is so accurate.

emo

2012-01-31T01:34:00.002+08:00

was emo the whole day today, i really dont know why... but anw got a postcard from alex today, super happy when i saw it. made my day a little better but suddenly im super emo again!

这街上太拥挤
Zhe Jie shang tai yong ji
太多人有秘密
Tai duo ren you mi miToo many
玻璃上有雾气在被隐藏起过去
bo li shang you wu qi zai bei yin chang qi guo qu
你脸上的情绪
Ni lian shang de qing xu
在还原那场雨
Zai huan yuan na chang yu
这巷弄太过弯曲走不回故事里
Zhe xiang nong tai guo wan qu zou bu hui gu shi li
这日子不再绿
Zhe ri zi bu zai lu
又斑驳了几句
You ban bo le ji ju
剩下搬空回忆的我在大房子里
Sheng xia ban kong hui yi de wo zai da fang zi li
电影院的座椅
Dian ying yuan de zuo yi
隔遥远的距离
Ge yao yuan de ju li
感情没有对手戏你跟自己下棋
Gan qing mei you dui shou shi ni gen zi ji xia qi
还来不及仔仔细细写下你的关于
hai lai bu ji zi zi xi xi xie xia ni de guan yu
描述我如何愛你
Miao shu wo ru he ai ni
你却微笑的离我而去
Ni que wei xiao de li wo er qu
Chorus:
这感觉已经不对
Zhe gan jue yi jing bu dui
我努力在挽回
Wo nu li zai wan hui
一些些应该体贴的感觉我没给
Yi xie xie ying gai ti tie de de gan jue wo mei gei
你嘟嘴许的愿望很卑微
Ni de zui xu de yuan wang hen bei wei
在妥协是我忽略
Zai tuo xie shi wo hu lue
你不过要人陪
Ni bu guo yao ren pei
哦这感觉已经不对
a zhe gan jue yi jing bu dui
我最后才了解
Wo zui hou cai liao jie
一页页不忍翻阅的情节
Yi ye ye bu ren fan yue de qing jie
你好累
Ni hao lei
你默背为我掉过几次泪
Ni mo bei wei wo diao guo ci lei
多憔悴
Duo qiao sui
而我心碎你受罪你的美
er wo xin sui ni shou zui ni de mei
我不配
Wo bu pei
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HzFD3YdZ_3Y&feature=related

2012-01-29T23:07:00.001+08:00

sat was considered a success.. i think.. anyway she was really tired so we just ate and watch movie. long zhong wu, quite funny but too bad the show was in hokkien and her dialect isnt strong. but could tell that she sorta enjoyed it because she was laughing and smiling a lot. it makes me happy. around 16 days left to valentines.. oh nooo what should i do? cant fall behind now jerm, not when you are here!

muuuuuuu

2012-01-26T00:17:00.003+08:00

would like to ask her out on sat after work.. but what if she aint free? after all i have already taken her fri and sat for work..

2012-01-24T04:07:00.000+08:00

mmmmm cant sleep!!! ended up playing dota and ddo. this sucks, i really need to sleep soon!!!

2012-01-22T07:09:00.003+08:00

目を覚ました

its been long, perhaps too long.

got really pissed with XP last night because of his bloody trolling antics. seriously if he doesnt stop trolling, im just gonna ignore him. got pissed with guildies as well, oh well, perhaps im not suited for herbz after all. gonna just TR and see how it goes.

its been 4 days since ive decided that she's the one for me and it doesnt seem like just a passing infatuation. its a good thing :). wonder hows she doing, hopefully we could go on a date soon.

new awesome naruto ending

By My Side lyrics - Hemenway

答えなくてもいいさ
kotae nakutte mou ii sa
探し続けるんだよ
sagashi tsukerundayo
そう大人になる時間だね
sou otona ni na ru jikan da ne
今すぐ告げたいけど
imi sugu tsugei tai kedo
震えが止まらない
furu e ga tomaranai
心は今更逃げてと叫ぶのさ
kokoro wa ima sara nigette to sagebu no sa
例えばあなたの眼の奥に
tatoeba anata no me no okuni
求める景色ガあるのなら　
motomeru keshike ga aru no nara
それを掴んで確かめたいんだ
sore o tsukande tashikametainda
もし君の涙がこの世界を
moshi kimi no namida ga konno sekai wo
君から遠ざけたとしても
Kimi kara tōzaketa to shite mo
僕はその手離さないんだ
Boku wa sono te hanasanainda
だからそう今
dakara sou ima
i need you here right by my side~

2010-10-15T11:52:00.002+08:00

finally awoke again.. seems like it worked the last time i intentionally shut myself down, except that the duration was a little too long. wierd thing was this happened after my haircut and after i slept for 14 hrs straight... dont really know why, but many implications involved, maybe sometime in the future when i read all the again, i will be able to link the pieces back together.

awoken from my deep slumber, im getting back into the game. dont really know what to do with her, somehow she has the link to this blog and contacted me 2 weeks ago. then after some time she stopped. well, i dont know if she is still reading or if she will understand, but i know the state that i am in, i am unable to offer her anything, especially commitment. i also dont want her to have guilt mixed as affection...

still considering on doing poly mecha engineering so i can be a car designer.. but i dont know if that is really what i would want. i really need my dreams back..

2010-10-13T17:05:00.001+08:00

past few months have been bad, really bad.. maybe even too bad.. im starting to feel like everything around me is warping around and twisting in a way that i dont really like and there is nothing much i can do about it. hoping to find pple that can understand me, but its difficult..

diver by nico touches the walls

2010-10-10T18:14:00.000+08:00

ano suihensen ga toozakatte iku
aosugita sora niwa ashita sura egakenakute
Iki mo dekinai kurai yodonda hito no mure
boku wa itsukara koko ni moguri kondanda

Kanashimi nante hakidashite
mae dake mitereba iindakke
soreja totemo matomo de irarenai
Subete wo boku ga teki ni mawashitemo
hikari wo kasukani kanjiterunda
soko made yukesou nara

iki wo shitakute koko wa kurushikute
yami wo miageru dake no boku ja
ukabu houhou mo nai DAIBAA(Diver)
iki wo shite mite
tada no shiawase ni kizuitara mou nidoto oborenaiyo

rain getting lighter and thinner

2010-03-22T01:17:00.002+08:00

first of all, i would like to say i love my friends and family. thanks to all their support, i am so much less emo now.

but anw with my broken thumb i still managed to play dota on fri night and ytd. friday night was kinda exciting and i managed to talk to a lot of pple including a china girl and my good friend's friend. lol, fricking random. welcome back to randomness jeremy.

today was crazier, woke up early in the morning to make a delivery then went around town doing much stuff like finding public telephones, cutting hair and phone service centre. LOL. after that went for movie, then lan. OMG like you know, LAN, WTF. Played L4D for 2 hrs and got really shacked. came home and played more games. time to sleep le....

kinda have lots of bad luck all the time

2010-03-19T19:57:00.002+08:00

was looking forward to bball this whole week. anw was bored and didnt feel like listening to lecture. so i was reading hitchhikers again. really amazing book. john n gang pulled me off early to eat at kfc.. kfc again, dunno why it had to be there. everytime i eat there i tink of her.

after lunch, went for bball, the rest of them were already there. seriously dam sway, once i got down to play, i sprain my left thumb trying to catch a ball. since then my thumb has been hurting like fuck, totally cant aim. then i hit right index finger and the nail bled. so while typing this entry both my hands hurt like crap.

no appetite to eat, hand hurts like phark, still a broken heart.

the tears have dried

2010-03-18T18:24:00.003+08:00

well, kinda sad now. the queue for btt is so long.. i got to wait until the end of apr before i can take it. so ytd after that i came back and played some games, rather unproductive. then nashoki sent me a photo to cheer me up, which i uploaded on my fb. then played dota with brian. that lucky guy managed to score with a chick. well, i wish him all the best. after that i started reading hitchhikers guide to the galaxy again. totally cant rmb the ending at all cos i read it a long time ago. in the end i read until 1.30am.

woke up at 8.30 cos i tot school starts at 9.15, then i suddenly realise it was thurs! hence i rushed to school. didnt have mood to listen anyway so continued reading my book. after school tcss with some classmates then came home and played/chat until now. dam, i got to stop doodling around if i wanna wake up!

mouth still hurts a lil, heart still hurts like phark.

not everything goes as planned

2010-03-17T11:36:00.000+08:00

totally messed up yesterday, flower shop opened late, i sent the flowers on time but was late for my TTT. But late wasnt a problem, the problem was it moved to woodlands already and i tot it was still at AMK. So i LL just proceed to the next destination, turns out it was the school hols and i didnt know.

In the end went back to sch and had lunch with the guys at yoshinoya. Salmon rice sucked, then went to buy textbooks. After that went to do bracers, mouth hurts like fuck. Everytime i do bracers, i will think of her... dont know why. Kinda numb already...

I need to keep pushing myself before i stop again. I cant stop, i cant afford to stop. As edward says, "pick up your feet, and move forward". I need to keep moving forward now, theres no turning back,

Some things are better left unknown

2010-03-16T02:45:00.003+08:00

So school wasnt eventful today, i didnt really have the heart to listen since i realised that i forgot to bring money, which means i cant have an expensive lunch. Manage to find 3 bucks of coins in my bag, so i guess its good to be untidy once in a while.

After school went home, did some stuff. Smsed her again even thou i told myself not to. Sometimes its just hard to control. As always she didnt reply. Later on she told her story online and i was so sad to her it. I keep having this nagging feeling that its my fault. But anyway its all over. the clock cant be turned back. Even thou i hurt so much inside, there is nothing i can do, i have to move on.

Lots of stuff to do tmr... erm i mean later today. Better get ready!

Hello everyone

2010-03-14T16:58:00.003+08:00

Just wanna start blogging again, to express myself and get some relief. To tell nobody about all these and hope somebody will read it although i know that no one ever will.

Well, yesterday i spent a lot of money on her and dor's bday. I feel that at least i dont owe her so much anymore, since she was the one that helped me spend my bday. Also had the chance to be hero since she forgot to bring her house keys. So, i guess i probably dont like her that much anymore and its just a feeling of owing. But anyway she already got someone new, can tell from the way she was so despo when her hp was out of batt. But after i went to sleep this morning, i heard that she quarreled with him and is feeling down. I really hope she recover soon. But i wont, i dont want and i cannot comfort her. But unconsciously my eyes started to hurt and water, i dont know whether god is helping me cry because i wont or it was just a coincidence.

Better start studying again. Need to grow up badly.